Commitment. Some people have a difficult time with that word. Well, maybe not so much the word, but the action. You hear about men unwilling to commit to their long-term girlfriend, or an employee not being committed to their job. I never thought I had an issue with the word - I've had long-term relationships, I've had long-term jobs. However, it turns out that I do have issues with this word. Especially when it is related to my own creative abilities.

I've dreamt of being a shop girl ever since I forced my brother to continually play the role of the Customer in our playroom shop when I was 8 and he was 5 or 6. I made him buy Nancy Drew book after Nancy Drew book; pencils and erasers; toys; and once, he made a really big purchase in the shape of my grandfather's typewriter. For that last one, he needed $500 Monopoly dollars! Whoa big spender! He may not have enjoyed it, but I revelled in counting out the change, displaying the items he was going to buy, and setting up where I kept the receipts on the counter. Thank god calculators were Really Giant in the 70s - ours looked just like a sales till.

I learned to sew around the same time that I was turning my brother into a shopper. I never made him buy anything I made - the thought of selling my wares came later when I was finishing my degree and was making bags and tablecloths instead of writing essays due the next day. University was one of the most productive and creative times of my life.

The next creative period was in the late 90s. I was gardening up a storm, making fantastic meals, and had my sewing machine out every day. Yes, I was in school again, this time doing my Master's degree. My husband and I got married soon after, Manusmade was born, and I started making and selling wedding invitations and paper products - photo albums, wedding guest books, and lanterns. I was working fulltime, but was also fully committed to creating, each and every day.

At that time, I toyed with the idea of taking Manusmade fulltime. But then I took another fulltime job - this time with lots of benefits and pension and overtime. My creativity shifted after this. Instead of making things for our home, or even to sell, my husband and I were focusing on fixing up our homes (we're on our third). We painted and knocked down walls and learned to tile and change baseboards. I loved doing this, and I love that I now have those skills, but I felt like something was missing. I wasn't making anything. I was missing the music of my sewing machine. So I pulled it out again, and beamed from ear to ear while I reconnected with my old friend.

I thought I was back in the groove. But then, months and months went by as there were several things that Got In The Way. Various personal issues, real estate issues, work issues. Finally, last year, things calmed down. This is when I started reconnecting with myself - I went to London with my sister and felt the first feelings in a long time of being real and present. I took the vacation of a lifetime with my husband and relaxed and laughed my head off. I worked with Michelle and started thinking of creative potentials. I had fiery thoughts after reading Danielle's words. I was inspired by Lauren and Emira. I started dreaming of being a shop girl again.

But my thoughts weren't becoming actions. I was travelling every two weeks for my day job. I was tired. I was scared. I was busy. Oh yeah, did I mention I was scared? If I open a shop, people will actually see what I make.

Wait. Isn't that what you've always wanted?

Maybe. Sort of.

Yes?

I'm done. I'm finished. I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting. Tired of being scared. Tired of figuring out the best time, the best site, the best process, the best design. I'm ready to commit to just doing it. Nike truly has something going there. It's not about waiting for the right time or the right product. It's about doing what you love, and being part of a community of people who do what they love too. Last year may have been about putting out feelers and getting started. This year is all about commitment - laying strong foundations, putting words to action, truly getting out of my head and into my hands.